joots102

My hobbies include staring into space every so often I can’t think of nothing else to do. I stare and have random thoughts of my previous stupidity with a previous so called lover of a few weeks. Weeks I dare say and so you ask. Shouldn’t I be over him now? I wish but I can’t! I fucking can’t forget him!
Last night as I was dozing off to dreamland, I abruptly stood up and cried, praying that somehow, the crying and the pain would stop soon. Afterwards, I finished this book I borrowed from an office mate to tire my eyes and then finally, thank GOD, slept. I had a dreamless sleep waking up into a bleak morning with my brother still sleeping because PAGASA has declared a no class holiday for them. Yippee! I considered sleeping again, declaring my own holiday but I didn’t. I knew it wouldn’t be a holiday. I would just have another episode about letting go. I just can’t do that to myself again. Crying alone, for almost everyday, kills me. Not another episode of letting go when I still couldn’t.
I still think about him, imagining how his day would be. And then, automatically I try to shut it off with the thought that he loves her not me so I should stop messing around with my head. I am not a loser or so I try to convince myself about that. I end up still loving him but I’ve got nothing else to do.
I don’t know if I want to keep his memory, well, as if I have a choice.