tula101

sometimes
there's this fine line
between
forgetting
and finding
someone new.
you end
up wondering
what's the real score?
is it for real
or are you simply
vulnerable?
is it over?
or are you
wishing it is?
the hardest part
is yet to come

too often said
many times proven
haven't felt otherwise.

so what is there to do?
go with the flow?
let go and live?
or run
and never turn your head back.

the truth wont hurt
if you dont know.
i wont fall
if you wont.

excuse ==> EQ is low

i feel so bloated today. its like my mind couldn't understand that my body need NOT eat anymore but still i stuff myself with high carbo thingies and complain about how my weight never goes down at all! dinadahilan ko na lang.. mababa ang EQ ko. nyehehehe. AS IF!but is it true that stress people tend to eat too much? hindi siguro ito applicable to all.ewan ko lang. sinabi ko lang para walang magprotest dito. well as if someone IS actually reading the thoughts i've written here. wala lang.

wrong move

aaargh. minsan i hate making conversation just for the sake of pakikisama or pr. hayan have to answer some questions i keep avoiding for the past few months. have to tell a lie too. i dont want them to know that certain things still bother me like not having him around or the fact that i still miss him most of the time. i dont want them to know im still not over him. patethic no? sorry, this is my life you're just the reader. lagi ko ngang sinasabi walang pakialamanan ng buhay! but sometimes i wish i can choose the people whom i want to matter in my life and would want to matter in my life. sometimes i wish i can choose people whom i want to love me all the way up to the moon and back.but i cant.i think god chooses or like they said your destiny is already written.

i was bound to be stupid too many times.

different shade of gray?

god do provide when it seems you cant take care of yourself anymore. he sends angels to chase away your sorrows and paint a different shade of gray in your skies so it may not exactly be different but still its not the same as before.

now i can smile. i think of him always and i can smile. maybe, just maybe, im beginning to accept the sooo many parts of my life that isnt always meant to be.

carrot,egg,coffee

how sad can you be if asked for one simple question and you cant even racked your brains for an answer. what is your happy thought?! my happy thought! just one! and i cant think of anything! am i being too much of a pessimist? or is reality really sucking its teeth unto my oh so broken soul? they say that there are 3 ways on how to react to problems in life. you choose among a carrot, an egg or a coffee. i dont know what i am! maybe, im a carrot coz i feel defeated often times or even think that im a failure. perhaps an egg because i hate the world im living in for letting me feel so much pain. i know i dont deserve it. but never have i thought myself to be likened to a coffee. i dont know how to make the world around me beautiful. you;re suppose to do that if you;re a coffee. you're suppose to blend in. make things go your way. be a part of whatever it is that makes your life sucks! if you cant beat them join them theories. something like that. i cant do that. i dont believe in it.so what happy thought can you get from a person who thinks she's a carrot or an egg most of the time?

sentiments101

i have no idea why some relationships have to end. particulary those relationships that involve someone like me. am i always the challenge to some individuals who have no way of knowing his purpose in life? how about me? when will i learn that patience is a virtue and that love sucks. too many times proven. haven't thought of otherwise.
haven't been in a rollercoaster ride but was almost there. never felt that someone loved me all the way up to the moon and back. maybe, just maybe things like that dont happen to extraordinary gals like me. simplicity never rocks.
i just wish that sometimes, i wasn't that extraordinary.

joots102

My hobbies include staring into space every so often I can’t think of nothing else to do. I stare and have random thoughts of my previous stupidity with a previous so called lover of a few weeks. Weeks I dare say and so you ask. Shouldn’t I be over him now? I wish but I can’t! I fucking can’t forget him!
Last night as I was dozing off to dreamland, I abruptly stood up and cried, praying that somehow, the crying and the pain would stop soon. Afterwards, I finished this book I borrowed from an office mate to tire my eyes and then finally, thank GOD, slept. I had a dreamless sleep waking up into a bleak morning with my brother still sleeping because PAGASA has declared a no class holiday for them. Yippee! I considered sleeping again, declaring my own holiday but I didn’t. I knew it wouldn’t be a holiday. I would just have another episode about letting go. I just can’t do that to myself again. Crying alone, for almost everyday, kills me. Not another episode of letting go when I still couldn’t.
I still think about him, imagining how his day would be. And then, automatically I try to shut it off with the thought that he loves her not me so I should stop messing around with my head. I am not a loser or so I try to convince myself about that. I end up still loving him but I’ve got nothing else to do.
I don’t know if I want to keep his memory, well, as if I have a choice.

tula101

i was told
that goodbyes
meant new hellos.
and for every drop
of tearyou shed
is a light that leads the way
to freedom.
when youre down
there could be
no other way
but up.
one smile
kept me going
though
it brings back
soft echoesof the pain
i carry.
i had no regrets
going the other way.
i felt loved.
and he was mine
for awhile.
that's all that matters.

joots101

In all of my past relationships, I’ve learned only of one thing. There is always and only one greatest person who can make your entire gray skies blue. Yes, you can love a lot and even have a handful of lovers but in the end there will always be one to fill up all empty spaces and gaps made by other someone’s you met along the way. No two people will stay at the exact same time with you nor will you love two people at the same time with the same degree. You have to choose. And that one is what I’m talking about.
There was one who almost convinced me it could happen, you know, loving two people at the same time with the same degree. His spirit died along with my dreams and never ever came back. There are times, I almost wish for the life he gave me but I thought, why bring back something that never was a gift. It was merely a taste of what dreams can be if you believe long enough after every shattered memory. After he died, I gave up the one thing that kept me holding on to the beauty that was life. I know now that tears are the color of the sky as you wait for the sun to shine. There could be no hope if you have stop believing. When he died, he took my faith with him. Hope was the thing with feathers that I simply chose to leave behind.