"see you..."

ang galing alam mo ba? ilang araw nang hindi ko sya naisusulat dito sa blog ko. hindi na din sya ang naiisip ko pagkagising ko sa umaga. kadalasan, naiisip ko late na ako o kaya naman binabato na ako ng unan ng room mate ko kasi maingay ang cellpown ko sa kaka alarm. sarap kasi matulog e. pagdating naman ng gabi... mas trips ko pang kasa kasama si robert langdon o kaya si harry potter hanggang sa maya maya lang hinehele na ako ng magandang tinig ng room mate ko. nagkwekwento nanaman kasi sya. masarap syang tulugan. hehehehe.

so diba? para saan pa ito? wala lang. e sa naalala ko sya e. kahapon habang hinihintay kong i announce ng pare ang mga bagong kasal (kumanta kasi kami ng mga ka choir ko sa isang kasal kahapon) naisip ko sya. hindi nga naisip e. akala ko nakita ko sya. akala ko sya yung groom! ayos no? d mo malaman kung good o bad, kung nakakainis o nakakatuwa, kung kalokohan nanaman o inaantok lang ako. wala e. nakita ko sya. naisip ko malamang lamang kinasal na sya. malamang lamang nito, finally masaya na sya. matagal ko nang tanong yun hindi ko mahanap ang sagot. sya lang naman kasi ang makakasagot nun e. pero kahapon pakiramdam ko un na un. hindi ko na kelangang mag stalk! hahahaha! pakiramdam ko kasi yun na yun. finally, tanggap ko na. masaya na sya. =) hindi ako ang dahilan ng kasiyahan na ito pero tanggap ko na. mahirap paniwalaan pero ok lang ako.

wala namang nagbago e. mahal ko pa rin sya. kung saka sakaling magkaroon pa uli ng isa pang pagkakataon.... panalo! =) yun lang ngayon tanggap ko na. nakikita ko na ang sarili ko noon sa piling nya on a different angle. siempre wish ko pa rin maulit diba? hindi ako plastic. yun lang kasi, "it was not meant to be".

you told me
goodbye for now...


you left,
and i told myself
"see you"

after awhile,
after all the crying
and the drinkingand the doing things
that make no sense


i stop.

does goodbye for now
really meant
goodbye for good?


you've been gone
for too long now....

maybe it is.
i think it is.

im just glad
we had "it" for awhile then.
you have to admit,
it was one hell of a rollercoaster ride.
too good not to do again
and yet it just aint worthy
to pull it through.


weird.
perhaps when i said "see you"
i really meant
goodbye to you too.

tula103

if i could

i would

no matter what it takes.

but if everyone else

says it mustn't

though you wish it

in your heart it could,

what should you do?

walk away?

while you still can?

leave the dream behind

where it should be?

you know.

just a dream.

a sweet memory,

a smile,

yes a smile

to brigthen up

your loneliest moment.

that's it.

just that.

after awhile.

when i do

what everybody else

wants me to do

im left behind

wanting more.

feeling helpless

that im here

by myself...

wishing there is some other way

i could hold on to that dream.

sadly,

there is no other way...

tula102

something's not right.

but it can't be.

what's supposed to go wrong?

im not myself today.

been holding on to something i dont have

so no matter what i do,

he won't stay.

sometimes i wish

i could just shut it forever
stop the words from flowing

maybe then i wont feel.

and if i wont feel

i wont fall.

then i dont have to pretend

i had it all along.

something's not right.

why can't i figure it out?

ako at ang antok

madalas ako dalawin ng antok sa gabi. malamang. sa anong panahon ba naman sya laging bumibisita? kaso nitong mga huling araw hindi ko sya ma entertain. kelangan kong magising. hindi dapat kami maging close pang samantala. kaso ngaun, namimiss ko na sya. hindi nya alam sana kasama ko na sya. kaso gaya ng dati, sa ngayon nde pa pede. kelangan kong magising.

sa daming kadahilanan, kelangang imulat kong mga mata ko. huwag syang pansinin as if nde sya nag eexist sa mundo ko ngaun.

sana lang... matapos na ang minsan na ito na hindi ko sya ma entertain at hindi ko ma declare na close kami. ako at ang antok. ako at ang pagtulog.

happy christmas to me....

i can't be this happy.

im not use to it.

sooner or later i know reality will strike back.

and down the drain will i be...

hmmm... think.

what do i have to do to make this day normal?

like what its supposed to be.

you know, boring, bleak, ordinary

and not what i think it is now....

weird but funny, happiness merely a walk away from here,

a declaration of love from someone least expected,

and the best part of all???

the smile that was meant for ME alone.

ME!!! and no one else....

i had his smile for about a minute or so.

damn, that felt good!

im here

magic words are all i need to bring me back to where i am supposed to be. you know, just ok. a bit happy and ok. not overly ecstatic, just ok.

yup, i got what i want alright and honestly, the sting doesnt hurt that much. in a subtle way i know what he meant though he didnt intend to mean anything at all but that's all right. i got the point.

i've landed. not bad really.

no scratch.

one piece.

im ok.

ang blog ay para sa mga MU-ng tulad ko....

ang blog ay para rin sa mga MU-ng tulad ko. nagsusulat ng mga entry-ng nagpapaiyak minsan... hayan nanaman ako. minsan nanaman.

alam ko naman e. naiintindihan naman kita. alam ko rin kung ano yung dapat at kung ano yung tama. alam ko rin na kung ano yung pwedeng gawin at hindi. o diba? smart ako sabi sayo e... MU lang talga ako. at ang blog... gaya ng sabi ko kanina ay para sa mga MU-ng tulad ko.

pero alam mo ang blog ay para rin sa mga taong gustong humingi ng sorry nde lang makatyempo. hindi mo naman masabing makitid ang pag iisip kasi smart nga e dava? yun lang... madalas ang hobby ay ang maglungkot lungkotan. bad habit. ewan ko. adik na ata ako. kakaibang pakiramdam kasi pagka ganun... hahaha joke lang.

sensya ka na, plis? namimiss lang kita. naalala mo yung sinabi ko dati? ayoko nang lumapit kasi ayoko mamaaalam. ayoko na ng paalamanan. kaya hindi pa man din ikaw nagpapaalam inuunahan na kita! e papano naman kung ayaw mo palang umalis diba? hindi ko naisip yung option na yun. nasasanay na ata ako ng iniiwan.... so sad... hayan sad nanaman... kaya siguro ganito ako. ==> MU

naniniwala na ako!

MU lang talga ako. at meron akong blog. =)

mInSan.....

gusto ko din naman mamiss mo ako. hindi yung alam mo at sigurado kang lagi akong nandito. hindi mo na nga ako napapansin e. me iba ka na kasing pinagkaka abalahan... pero noon, diba lagi mo kong kasama? palagi akong nanjan kapag naiiyak ka. palagi akong nanjan para patawanin ka. pasayahin ang araw mo kasi pinaiiyak ka ng iba. pero ngaun... parang hindi mo na ko kailangan. hindi ako mamimilit. alam ko naman na ganito ang takbo ng buhay sa mundo. hindi palagi sa lahat ng oras nanjan ka sa tabi ko. hindi rin palaging sa lahat ng oras kakailanganin mo ako.

sana lang. minsan mamiss mo ako. gaya ng pagkamiss ko ngaun habang tinatanaw kita sa di kalayuan. habang pinagmamasdan na lang kita dito sa mundo ko. d bale.... ayos lang. kahit minsan man lang, ako ang naging dahilan ng mga ngiti mo.

nGiTi nAnaMan??!! aNuBa?!?

minsan gusto kong lumayo. yung malayong malayo sayo. para hindi ko batid kung ano ba tong gusto kong sabihin sa sarili ko. minsan naman gusto kong lumapit, yung malapit na malapit, para malaman ko kung gaano kasaya kapag nginingitian mo. parang yung sinasabi ng kaibigan ko na kaming dalawa lang sa mundo ko. pagkatapos kumakanta yung friend ko sa background. sweet no? =) kaso baduy nanaman. hehehe wala lang. naisip ko lang.

hindi naman nga dapat maging malungkot. pinapalala ko lang ang sitwasyon. pwede namang simple lang e. u know? makuntento sa mga "moments" na pinahiram sayo. yun lang naman yun lagi eh.

ang sarap ngumiti promise! lalong lalo na kung ang dahilan ng ngiti mo ay dahil din sa isang ngiti na "minsan" lang magawi sa buhay mo. as always walang kasiguraduhan at ni nde mo pa alam kung para saan lahat. pero cge lang. ok eh! kakaaliw! yan naman minsan ang trips NYA eh. wag mashadong dibdibin. wag mashadong mag iisip. wag mashadong manonood ng telenobela sa gabi. hahahaha!

nagiging paranoid na tuloy ako. buti na lang, nginitian nya ako....

someone...

i could die here right now and no one will notice that im gone. im no one's breath of sunshine or sparkle of hope. i am no one's super hero. but sometimes, when the night comes and im all alone, i sometimes wish i am someone's somebody. few things only matter now a days and if given a chance to choose what i want, i want someone to need me. who will feel the lost if im gone, who'd cry if im hurt and dance when i've reached my dreams.

i am no one's somebody. i could die here and no one will notice. but if that happens, i will never ever know how to be a someone for somebody that matters. i will never know what a special smile looks like or that magic glance that tells you, you're special. yup, i could die here and no one will probably notice but if i wait for awhile perhaps in time, i'll be that someone for that somebody who's meant only for me.

sentiments102

problem: getting attached. falling for someone. focusing on just one "usually not quite right" goal. false hopes. assumptions. obsession (?!). "asa ka pang me chance" na attitude. etc. etc.

solution? im not really sure. but when something so nice stops it hurts. i begin to miss it. what if the words just stops coming into you? what will you say then? what if you end up pretending someone you're not in the hope of getting what you wish for? what if you've got a million things to say and yet the pain stops you from ever uttering those very words that would make it all go away? what if the only solution is totally and completely not believing on certain things anymore? what if?

solution really? maybe, be happy with what you do have? that's it exactly right? no use wanting something that was never yours. no use hoping for someone you cant really have nor dream about him at nightfall because no matter how long the walk is the end is always one and the same. you get nothing. empty.

you see sadness in my eyes? i wont really deny it. the eyes can write the exact words i may not clearly write here. you caught me, friend. i wasn't prepared when you look at me in the eye.

"and how can i stand here with you and not be moved by you...would you tell me how could it be any better than this...."

senti lang

im a very lonely person or so i sometimes feel like it. put me amidst millions of people and i know not a single soul would notice a kind like me mingled with the crowd. maybe that's the time i thought its best to be unnoticed for there are thoughts i know no one can understand so i choose silence or pen for that matter. write my heart out as always... still believing or killing my dreams, whatever. it hurts so much to dream. fear and pain paralyzes me. im scared to get hurt. too damn scared to fail again in so many things i once thought i could do, that i can handle. now im just one of those who seem to have given up with no dreams to pursue... as if lost or trapped or simply foolish to have given up just like that because of fear or because of pain. i know that's a part of life. im just getting tired.

this is one roller coaster ride that i cant wait to get off from.

nGiTi =)

a smile
momentarily placed
on a heart
that's long been shattered
by circumstances
brought about by chance.

a smile
made a dream
that eased
whatever pain there maybe

for a while
at least.

ang saya pa lang ngumiti.

pAra kAy mK

ang ganda ng kamay ng taong natatanaw ko kada kukuha ako ng tubig jan sa labas. nadadaanan ko kasi ung isle tapos sa dulo nun ang cubicle nya... kahit kamay lang ang nakikita ko ayos lang. maganda pa rin kasi sabay nito naaalala ko ang ganda ng kanyang ngiti! gosh! baduy no??! pero di nga. siguro naman once in your life naranasan mo ng magka crush ng sobrang mega duper to the max crush! yung sooo high school ang dating e jusme 25+ years old ka na! tapos tipong, ang kaya mo lang e hanggang ilang meters apart mo lang sya makakalapit kasi kapag lumapit pa ng mas malapit, kung ano ano nang bloopers ang nagagawa mo sa sarili mo. hindi ka tuloy magkaron ng ganda points. kahit point five point lang! papano ang eng eng mo pagka malapit na sya. at hello at smile lang ang kaya mong gawin kapag malapit na sya!

gosh may crush ako!

so high school, oo.

baduy din, mejo.

pero masaya, kahit papano.

oo na, me gerplen na sya. e crush lang naman no! nde nga ako maka point five na ganda points e san pa ko nyan???

un lang thankful ako ulet. me mga simpleng bagay pa rin na nagpapangiti sa akin sa araw araw na pagpunta ko dito sa building na ito.

tamo naman, kamay pa lang, nagpapangiti na... pano na lang kung mangitian pa ako!?? kahit isang ngiti lang.. no? =)